frustration!!!!!!

so....i'm just frustrated. Like UGH!!! so mad. I was just saying to my friend how happy my life has been and ya know...that I haven't been on a natural high about life in a while and ya know....idk. It just feels good to not have a CARE in the world. Like i still care about things but to not have to worry about drama or hurting someone's feelings intentionally which is what i feel people are trying to do to me.

I LOVE my church and when i say LOVE i mean LOVE!! I have this peace there that no one can mess with, but lately i feel like my stance is getting weary. There is always drama and i have been the culprit for the last big issues. And it's frustrating for me because the people I have "issues" with are the very same people who take THEIR frustrations out on people but have the audacity to be sensitive. They haven't come to me to talk about "ISSUES" that we have and i'm just feeling like maybe I'm not meant to be in that ministry anymore...maybe i should really just grow up . . . and not be apart of that. I feel like everything that i try to pour into the minstry doesn't help . . . but in fact what i do pour in is just negativity. So i think i'm at a cross roads...i'm starting to see why my best friend is so turned off about church . . .

Like everything was so clear yesterday and now my path feels like its foggy or something like i don't know if i have a purpose there in anymore. Like the inquities of my body are surley taking over my heart and mind. It's just hard with everything thats on my plate. I just feel like there is no one who i myself can truly relate to anymore. I just feel incompletion and frustration. And i know that the only one that can help me is God but maybe he is frustrated with me as well. I just don't think after what happened last night...idk how i feel and how he feels. I honestly never had ill intentions with the people i have "issues" with....but now i felt as if i'm looked upon as a malicous young adult with nothing else to do with her time...maybe i'm reading too much into this...i just felt this sharp pain as the reprecussions of my actions came to bite me in my rump. . .

FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!