Friday, December 12, 2008

New Cd's i BUMP in my Camry



OMG B-ROCKA IS IN THE HOUSE!!!
I've always been a BIG fan of Brandy from I wanna be down to Sitting on top of the World...to ALmost Doesn't Count...to Full Moon....to Who is she to You?! SHE is amazing her voice is unlike no others...and when she comes back she always comes back hard. This CD is so...unlike the rest I believe. It's like she has gotten older or matured which isn't a BAD thing!!! lol....I really like Paino Man...I think that's my favorite song off the CD right now...but yeah. Two thumbs up and a BIG TOE!!!!!

This CD...idk how I really feel about it yet. Like I don't like every song; but the song's i do like I can JAM to, ya know?!? But it's FRIGGIN Beyonce' ya know?!?! Idk....her slow songs i really do like...they're so sweet. But Sasha Fierce can be a LITTLE to much to handle with her video phone but then again i like Sasha with her song's called Hello & Ego. It's not Beyonce's best but I don't think its her worst either!

Kanye West...ya know his last CD was so good and i thought this one was gonna be like the BOMB!! ya know but he makes me really sad on this CD and he is SINGING on every song...like WTH?!?! I love it when he raps....it's just really frustrating. There are a few songs i can bump too but over all...If you wanna kill yourself then this is the album to do it! "(

So let me just start off by saying there are SOOOO many moods I can be in & still wanna listen to this AWESOME cd.! Like he makes me hate love...he makes me wanna be in love...he makes me demand satisfaction....idk. It's jsut great though. I've always thought John Legend was gr8 but this CD makes me look at him in another lighting....lol. Idk why but it does! But I think IT's whats really hot.

frustration!!!!!!

so....i'm just frustrated. Like UGH!!! so mad. I was just saying to my friend how happy my life has been and ya know...that I haven't been on a natural high about life in a while and ya know....idk. It just feels good to not have a CARE in the world. Like i still care about things but to not have to worry about drama or hurting someone's feelings intentionally which is what i feel people are trying to do to me.

I LOVE my church and when i say LOVE i mean LOVE!! I have this peace there that no one can mess with, but lately i feel like my stance is getting weary. There is always drama and i have been the culprit for the last big issues. And it's frustrating for me because the people I have "issues" with are the very same people who take THEIR frustrations out on people but have the audacity to be sensitive. They haven't come to me to talk about "ISSUES" that we have and i'm just feeling like maybe I'm not meant to be in that ministry anymore...maybe i should really just grow up . . . and not be apart of that. I feel like everything that i try to pour into the minstry doesn't help . . . but in fact what i do pour in is just negativity. So i think i'm at a cross roads...i'm starting to see why my best friend is so turned off about church . . .

Like everything was so clear yesterday and now my path feels like its foggy or something like i don't know if i have a purpose there in anymore. Like the inquities of my body are surley taking over my heart and mind. It's just hard with everything thats on my plate. I just feel like there is no one who i myself can truly relate to anymore. I just feel incompletion and frustration. And i know that the only one that can help me is God but maybe he is frustrated with me as well. I just don't think after what happened last night...idk how i feel and how he feels. I honestly never had ill intentions with the people i have "issues" with....but now i felt as if i'm looked upon as a malicous young adult with nothing else to do with her time...maybe i'm reading too much into this...i just felt this sharp pain as the reprecussions of my actions came to bite me in my rump. . .

FRUSTRATION!!!!!!!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

s t u c k y_<3

falling in love with him was never planned...
quivering from the slightest touch from his hand...
dealing with drama that last a lifetime ... here i am...
i'm s t u c k

over the months i begin to see
that i was so into you, that i was losing me
all about you; it wasn't supposed to be
once again i'm s t u c k

talking to a friend about you...
all the drama you put me though
dealing with shit i didn't have too
Amber, I can see your s t u c k

He said he felt the same way
he said he loved Lisa but the chemistry was slacking day by day
he was so frustrated ...he said
"Can i continue?"
I said "Of course you may!"
we realized we where both s t u c k y ' s

As days passed we would text more & more
feelings came about that I wanted to explore
we connected on a personal unlike no one before
i started crave for something more
but we were both s t u c k

that Saturday night he said "There is something i must tell you..."
i was so confused but I found myself on edge too...
And he said
"I'm trying to set this up the right way...You see Amber I've been feeling you since the 9th grade...I know i should've said something before but I couldn't find the words to say. . ."
I sat there in shock as i kept reading the text that was sent...on edge I was in a deep existence. I couldn't believe what it had said...
I texted him and i said I liked him too and that we should be undercover boo's[lol]
He agreed and said that works too...

I swore i'd hit the jack pot this just could be it...
he was a chocolate brother who's words made my heart shift
I was so excited I couldn't stand it
had we both became u n s t u c k?!

part II 2 be released soon!!!!

Friday, October 31, 2008

my bad

Anger can't describe what I feel
your UNBELIEVABLE
. . .seriously. . .
You believe thing you do and say even when your LYING!!!

You are the most inconsiderate ass wipe I've ever met. To think i genuinely liked you and cared for you...when all you care about is yourself!!!

Sometimes I find myself plotting out ways to make you suffer like the pain you have caused others; but that just proves that you have the best of me and I refuse for that to happen!

I seriously don't understand how one person can LIE so much but hate being called a liar. And the saddest part about it is you actually think that your lie's are TRUE!!!! The case of bitchassness that you have is RARE and non manageable. I truly wish i NEVER engaged with you on that level...my feelings have turned into HATRED and RESENTMENT.

I will move forward with OUT you in my life; I'm gonna stop blocking my BLESSINGS!!!

I DON'T NEED YOU; ALL I NEED IS GOD!!!

after all of this i can say you are a glimpse in my lesson's learned.
and I'm through looking back!